Dinner Discussions: The Finger

Warning, the following blog post contains information on a certain rude gesture commonly known as the middle finger, the bird, or the Trudeau salute (in Canada). For this reason, the following entry has been rated PG-13. Please take this into account before continuing.

Today we had a lovely dinner where the entire family was present. So, of course, chaos ensued. After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, it happened. The conversation took a horrible turn. We learned about the middle finger, the bird, the Trudeau salute, whatever you wish to call it. It started out innocently enough. With a discussion of why it was insulting. A little history lesson “Nobody cares” “Oh there you are Eden, I was wondering when you were going to speak up because now I can show you this in honor of our theme today. *makes hand gesture that is blurred out by God’s editing team*” So anyway, the origins of the so called evil finger (Eden is to shocked to comment).

Well, once upon a time, in a far away land “are you all tucked in with a glass of warm milk?” there was a war. This was before the time of guns and nuclear weapons. In fact, the people still used bows and arrows. “How medieval of them” “My point exactly, thank you Eden.” Anyway, the archers would use their middle finger to draw back the bow. “Causing it to become a bad omen to see a middle finger right before battle.” “Not exactly. And I’m telling the story here.” When the enemy caught archers, they didn’t kill them or send them to prison back in the day. They disgraced them and sent them packing to be a burden on their own country and family. This meaning, they cut off the middle finger so that the archer could never handle a bow again. Now, people back then were into gloating. So, when a country won a battle, they would show their enemies the middle finger in order to mock them. As if to say, “I have a middle finger. You fail.” Well, the insult developed, and soon became the obscene gesture it is today. Coincidently, this is also the origin of the f word. The archers would shout out to their retreating enemy, “I can still pluck yew” meaning they can still shoot their bow. “Wow, riveting stuff here. They were so creative then.” “Oh yes, because you are so much better.” “Shut up. Hannah is a man everyone.” “My point exactly.” “What? Oh, damn, stupid American.” “And Eden gets the reward for proving my point twice in a row.”

So, after our little history lesson about flipping someone the bird, we shared the best ways to do it. The top six were:

Applying makeup

Pop goes the weasel

Fireworks

The telephone

Finger Linger (Finger Linger sat on a wall, Finger Linger had a great fall, all the kings horses and all the kings men had to put Finger together again)

And, the typing fingers.

Sadly, archer fingers didn’t make it into the equation. This little dinner extravaganza proves that we should never all eat dinner together. Dangerous things happen.